I looked in the mirror this morning thinking how have you let yourself become such a fat disgusting pig! Is there one thing on my body I like? Sure my toes, my lips, my nose, my eyes and my hair. So basically everything in between in a jumbled mess. Its not about how much I weigh as it is how I feel when I look in the mirror. I see my husband look at hot women and he doesn't look at me that way. He has not told me I'm beautiful in months and the last time he grabbed my thighs I thought to myself I hope he isn't disgusted by the handful of cellulite he's holding.
I turned 29 a little over a month ago and I realized I hate my body, to make matters worse I am in an unfulfilled relationship with a man that I have two beautiful children with. I have made a commitment to myself to turn my life around before I turn 30. I refuse to hate my self and the person I share my life with any longer.
Knowing that I have had weight issues before I even had children makes my fight to get in shape even more of a challenge. I am more willing now then I ever was before because I realized I have spent almost 10 yrs of my life struggling with the same problems. If I had invested the same amount of time going to college as I have destroying my body I could have finished Vet school. Doesn't my life mean more to me than that?!
Many people spend years in horrible, unfulfilled, meaningless relationships. You get to the point where you don't even want to look at the other person and even the way the breathe or the way they eat just crawls under your skin. Everything they do is wrong, but you wonder is that your fault or theirs? I don't want to spend my future with someone who I LOVE but I don't LIKE.
Often I will say show me you love me don't just say it, this is advise I should take myself I need to show myself I love me and not just say it. This is me being accountable to strangers since I sure as hell haven't been accountable to myself.
I will be happy in my own skin and I will find happiness in my relationship by the time I turn 30!!!!!
